Dwindling Bath Steam
by Starla Q
Summary: With a bath house for the weekend to entertain the new graduates who knows what kind of mayhem may ensue! Read author's note, R&R please. Pairings later. A good laugh awaits you! :D
1. Chapter 1: Time to Settle

This was originally going to be a one shot, but since it was my first Naruto story I've posted, I went all out. It's nothing of substance, but it's a good laugh and there is going to be a few smutty scenes. I want to try to write the characters as best I could, this is basically practice. I need to write more smut! Now, this isn't going to be riddled with it, rather my home page will be. I'll heavily suggest the scenes here, and go into my detail on my site. I enjoy writing it, but my readers are so young, I feel weird writing it for them under my real name. DX

The practice is necessary, so I'm going to do my best to keep it 'mature' here, and 'all out' on the home page. Those scenes will be available when I say, so keep an eye on the author's notes. Anyway let's go!

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><p><strong>Chapter 1 : Time to Settle<strong>

With wide eyes, Naruto stared at the sight before him. "No way!" he sounded in disbelief.

Sakura nodded, "Yup, it's all our for the weekend!" They had been given an entire bath house as a thank you gift.

"All this for teaching the newbies," Ino snickered as she walked by, "If I'd have known this paid off so well, I'd have stuck my nose in a lot sooner." As much as Ino loved her practice, teaching it was rather difficult. Apparently the kids weren't as deep with flowers as she.

"They aren't really newbies," Hinata said as she adjusted the box of tea leaves. "They're new graduates."

"They're newbies to me," Ino suggested. "Are they here?"

Hinata checked her watch, "I believe they'll be here shortly. We have to get the tea ceremony ready."

With a sigh, Naruto took the crate of tea being handed to him, "We're supposed to be here to relax."

"Come on, we even have a new import to enjoy. The tea ceremony is relaxing," she stated.

"Not when you're the one arranging it," his complaining ceased and the ceremony went off without a hitch. "See what I mean," Naruto mentioned to Shikamaru, who had also been roped into boiling and serving tea. He wanted to sit with the girls and have a nice hot drink.

"At least we don't have to wear those," he said, referencing the kimono's the girls were wearing. "I mean, if it's comfortable, sure. But I heard a lot of complaining while they were getting changed."

He thought the kimono's were pretty, especially with the girls in them. "I guess..." Shikamaru obviously didn't appreciate them in the same way. Temari didn't wear one, neither did Sakura, they claimed to have forgotten about the ceremony. He rested his chin on the counter and looked off across the room. "At least the tail isn't bad." He said with a wide smile. The girls who had graduated were fun and full of life, making mischief and tugging their kimonos to the point their bust's busted.

With a shrug he handed off another pot of tea to the complainer, "I try to keep my eyes down. Less distractions."

Even with encouragment, he still had no interest. With heavy feet, Naruto shuffled off and delivered the tea pot to the closest circle, gathered around a low table. A smiling face encouraged him to cheer up. It didn't work. It was back to the kitchen. "On the bright side," he began, "One of the cute girls told me to cheer up. That something good."

"Conversation with you is painful." He was getting annoyed at his partner's wining.

"Fine," he huffed and took a seat on a small stool.

"...I'm sorry..." Shikamaru hesitated then continued. "I'm not looking because there's no point, it's distracting. These girls aren't interested in anything long term, and that's what I'm looking for." He saw ogling girls pointless because he felt a person's exterior had little to nothing to do with who they were and what they were capable of.

Naruto sighed, "...Yeah. Keep my eyes down, huh? Maybe I'll focus better," he said, folding his arms. With a half sigh he slouched down, eyes down; it was only a half sigh because something caught his eye. "Well then, how about that. Your advice paid off." Naruto got down on all fours and reached under the curtain being draped over the counter cupboards.

"No pranks, seriously. Leave the water mains out of this," he said, all too familiar with Naruto's habits.

"Well, it's not water," Naruto said as he displayed a pure white bottle of sake.

As expected, this action was met with a shake of the head, "You aren't old enough to drink that stuff."

"And neither are they," his movements were so quick, he bypassed Shikamaru's vision and had already begun spiking the tea pot.

"As if," he stated and stopped the flow from the bottle to the cup, "This one's going to Hinata's table. She'll notice."

"Ah-ah, 'Import'," he laid a finger on a character lining the tea crate, proving its foreign status, "...huh? Let me. You saw nothing."

"You're such a bother," and here he thought they'd had a good rythym going. With hesitation, he allowed it, and blocked it from his memory.

"This tea'll be great. Believe it," he smirked and topped off the tea pot. "Fresh off the stove," he spoke triumphantly as he brought out and laid the pot next to Hinata.

"Thank you," she said and continued with her table.

"You seem chipper," said the same girl who had encouraged a smile earlier.

"I'm looking positively at this tea brewing title," he said and went back in the kitchen. "Keep an eye on her," he said and crouched with his partner in crime.

Shikamaru and Naruto watched Hinata carefully. Stress drenched the two as she poured the tea and consume it without a hitch. They breathed a sigh of relief. "I was sure she would notice."

"She doesn't know what sake tastes like." He assumed, being the kind and good natured spirit she was. "Innocence," he lamented.

"And you have to ruin it. Sometimes it fun to watch it all burn, right?" he said ruthfully.

Naruto caught on to what he was saying. "I should have thought about this some more, should I have?" He liked that side of Hinata; innocence worked well with her.

"I didn't think you put any thought into it."

"Oh, whatever. She'll probably catch on," he said as someone made their way into the kitchen. Sure enough, it was Hinata, "What's up?" he sounded as genuine as possible.

"This tea doesn't taste right," she said and handed it off to him. Before anyone could admit defeat, she continued, "The second one you brought out tasted full of flavor. This one is kind of thin, maybe it didn't boil long enough," she suggested.

"No problem," he took the pot from her, "I'll fix it right up and bring the next one out too." She left.

"You're awful," Shikamaru judged.

"Shut up, I know!" he yelled at both himself and his tainted-tea wielding apprentice. "But this party wasn't going to swing on its own."

Shikamaru rolled his eyes at the choice of words, "And now we're going to have to make them all taste like that? Do we have enough for all of them?" he said as he peered into the neck of the single bottle.

"Oh, don't worry. Look under the counter," he trotted happily past the swinging kitchen doors.

With a grievance he spied several more bottles of the same booze, "We're going to be written up."

"You look like you're having fun too, don't rain now." Naruto declared and reentered.

"I doubt fun will matter-"

"Why would they leave these here?" he asked, cutting Shikamaru off. "They were asking for trouble when they didn't check this place. Did they not know we were coming? Was this place cleaned? Yes. These must have been left out on purpose to thank us for a job well done. Right?"

"...I take it back. You've put entirely too much thought into this."

"Make up your mind: Are you in?" he questioned, rather close to his friend's face.

"Fine, alright, geez. I guess..." he reached into his pocket and pulled out a piece of paper, "I could write the brewing instructions in a different dialect. That way we can just say we misunderstood them."

Naruto was puzzled, "Now who's putting in too much thought." He ripped the label off, "We'll just say it spilled in accidently and it tasted so good we didn't want to change it."

"Yeah, because they'll appreciate being fed a random chemical. I go back to my initial statement: No thought processes."

"You said 'not enough' thought at first," Naruto corrected him.

"Well...it's been enhanced."

"..." in an effort to turn the table, he put on his 'thinking' expression. "What if..."

"What's going on in here?" Ino asked, tea cup in hand.

"Shh...wait for it," Shikamaru paused her. Naruto having a thought process was a sight, for he felt it didn't happen often enough to witness. Granted he knew Naruto was a skilled ninja, his calculations took place on the battle field, not in the kitchen. And his mischief streak had dried up over the years, so it was rather nostalgic to see the wheels turning again.

"...it spilled in by accident," a pause to pick up the torn off label, "but then we found the label...Hinata looked so happy with the tea we didn't want to tell her because we thought...those instructions said to add it."

"Good choice. Now give it here," she said, busting them wide open. Or so they thought. She tilted the bottle up and took a long slug on the open end. Topping off her tea, she turned. "Thanks. This party just became interesting."

"You knew? You're not mad?" The meeker of the two questioned.

She shrugged, "How do you think I get through holiday dinners with the family? Kampai," she said as she left the steamy kitchen.

"Want a nip? It's pretty good," with ease he tilted the bottle up and took a drink. "Nice," Naruto's held it out the bottle to his partner.

"...no."

"Come on," he tried again.

"It's bad enough I'm letting you get away with this. I should have put my foot down at the start. Don't drink too much of that, you have to be able to stand up and walk."

"Ah, don't worry," he said and took a second drink, "That's all. I'll wait until we're finished," he said and they concocted another home brew of fancy imported tea and sake. Soon, the effects were felt by all. At least, all who consumed more than a few cups. "We need to up the ante!" Naruto suggested with a fist pumped high in the air.

"No we do not." Shikamaru protested. They stared one another down.

"Alright you two," Temari now entered the kitchen. "Why is Ino so cocked? What's in the tea?" she said angrily.

"In all fairness, this was his doing." He shifted blame.

"Sell out!"

Temari raised an eyebrow, "Oh, I know," she said and got close to Naruto's face. "It reeks of _you_. Where is it?"

"Under there," he said.

She came back with an empty bottle, along with another one that had just been uncorked. "And how much-you know what, I don't care." She topped off her cup. "If Hinata finds out she's going to have a nervous breakdown."

"I informed him," Shikamaru noted.

"You could have stopped me, you had the power. You chose to do nothing," Naruto said in his own contrived way of defense.

"He has a point," Temari snickered.

"Don't side with that idiot," he said and shuffled off to fetch another pot of tea. He poured some freshly brewed tea from the large pot into the smaller, table sized one.

"In the name of fun, stop right there," Naruto said and ceased the pouring. He filled the rest to the top with the booze. "We're having fun tonight."

Shikamaru sighed, "That's only half," he said, knowing full well that it was now twice the amount of sake than before.

"Fun," he said and trotted off to the door once again.

"Let me guess," Temari started, "'Believe it'?"

Naruto looked as though he was offended, "Damn well better believe it!"

The un-fun one groaned, "He's drunk already."

Temari watched Naruto sit down with Hinata and the others. He was poured a clumsy cup of tea by the navy haired girl. "No he's not," she stepped closer to her love interest. "What about you? Are you going to stay a stick in the mud tonight?"

"Why would I change?" Getting rowdy wasn't really his bit.

"Couldn't you have just said 'yes'?" She halted her potentially romantic approach and turned to trade spots with Naruto who was chatting up the new graduates.

A few moments passed and he was back in the kitchen, buzzing, "Alright, half a pot of your finest...and throw some tea in the other half."

"_Now_ you're drunk," he said with a grievance and poured a second pot, half pot.

"Nope, but I'm working on it!" He said and took a large swig from the guilty bottle.

"..." he looked away in annoyance.

Naruto stared at his friend's face, "...huh...what's got yer' goat?" He was playing it up a little now, acting more drunk that he actually was.

"...maybe...one, wouldn't hurt," he said with uncertainty.

"That's the spirit!" Naruto filled a teacup with sake and held it out to him.

He cringed at the smell, "I'm not drinking it straight." He saw Naruto pick up a ladle and made the drink flush with the top of the glass. "Not what I meant. Down the hatch. Kampai," he said and knocked one back with the conniving fox.

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><p>What is life without whimsy? :)<p>

When you hold as many house parties as I have, you get to see a lot of things. I love mixing drinks myself, so I've served up noxious cocktails. People are not the same when they drink. But the change makes sense; you'll see what I mean later on.

Now I quit drinking heavily in 2008. And I've gotten to see a lot more in recent years, hearing stories at work and at college. My house parties with my close friends are going to be the basis for this story inspiration, with a little imagination thrown in. I don't do the bar scene, I have an anxiety disorder and am thrown into a panic attack when I'm surrounded by people...all the people...(shivers). And I'm hot too, I shouldn't be this nervous! It's not fair! ...but maybe that's why I'm nervous...too much attention...I was one of those 'late bloomers'; in a sense that I got hot when my looks didn't make much of a difference anymore. Listen to me go on, read the story, I'll go on some more in the next author's note.

Oh, and if you wouldn't mind, I'd like a few reviews. Not that I _need_ them, I just want to know how closly I've gotten the characters. I haven't written for Naruto since highschool.

thx


	2. Chapter 2: Building Up, Breaking Down

K, no reviews...maybe I didn't get it right.  
>I was really proud of the analytical part. The bit with reading body language, I had fun writing it, as short lived as it was.<p>

Try this bit of comedy. :)

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><p><strong>Chapter 2: Building Up, Breaking Down<strong>

With the entire bath house 'a-buzz', things were beginning to get a little out of hand. If it wasn't someone being thrown into the hot spring out back, it was piggy-back fights down the halls. "They're busting up the doors!" Sakura said as she began gluing rice paper back to one of the many sliding doors.

"They're kids," Ino said, "Let them play," and closed her eyes. She was beginning to regret that huge mouthful of sake, it was beginning to make her nauseated.

Her inner Sakura raged on _'Where is that idiot?_' she said, referring to Naruto. First it was Ino, then Temari and now Hinata, they seemed to be varying levels of drunk. He was tampering with the tea, she knew it. _'I'll gut him like a fish!_' She composed herself, "They're only a few years younger than us, there's no excuse for this level of destruction."

Ino hiccuped, "Thas_'the_-few'yers that we had out on_ th'_battlefield talking."

Sakura looked concerned. Not for anyone's safety, not directly, but there was something that she was bracing herself for: A confrontation. It wasn't often that she saw Ino drink, but when she did she picked fights. She did her best to guide the conversation. "Battlefield or not, they should still know how to respect others things. And weren't you the one complaining that they didn't appreciate your art?"

She held up a finger to correct her friend, but stopped short and laughed, "I did."

"You're cut off. Where's the other one?" she said, referring to Temari, she could tell she had more than one too.

"Mmm, not sure. She went in the kitchen I think," Ino pointed out.

Sakura knew this marked the girl's third trip in there. "Again, huh?" She abruptly got up and marched her way into the kitchen and laid her hands on Naruto's shoulders. "Get your ass out here and start re-gluing the doors with me."

Naruto's eyes flew open, "Huh?" he had been cut off by Shikamaru and was far more 'gone' than he should have been. "Hey, grab th-booze," he reached back into the kitchen as he was being dragged out from under his arms. He disappeared.

The bottle was hidden on a shelf that couldn't be reached unless you were out in the open. Not paying him any mind, Shikamaru said, "He doesn't need any more," and went back to the task at hand, boiling water. By this point the damage had been done, so he continued to make the spiked tea. The 'special' ingredient needed to be preserved. Shikamaru insisted that they open as few bottles as possible. "What if any of them have a medical condition? If any of them are diabetic this is going to mess with their glucose levels." His question was directed at Temari.

She looked at him with a totally blank stare, "Must you suck the fun out of everything? ...but that is a good point. We should tell them."

"Without hurting poor Hinata..." he thought. "..."

Naruto came back in, his head peeking around the corner. "I got away, hide me. The glue smells." He got on all fours and crawled into the cupboard.

"Whatever," his former apprentice was quite trying on his patients. "We need to tell the students there's alcohol in their drinks. Some of them don't know yet, and it may affect their health."

"...What if you passed around a note? That's quiet," he said from behind the curtain.

"Maybe," he began. "But that might get to Hinata... I know." Shikamaru went to work. He found some blank sheets of paper and a marker. He covered the sheets in a message. Only a sentence or two each, big enough to read from afar. Shikamaru stepped out of the kitchen and immediately spoke with his other chūnin colleagues, informing them of his plan, so they could act according. He knew one of the girls was blind, so he instructed the 'sober head' Sakura to let her in on the plan as well.

"Oh Shikamaru-saaan, how are you liking the tea?" said Hinata, who was half snapped, half a cup in. She was going on an empty stomach after all. Eating before a big function gave her an upset stomach and made her drowsey.

"I haven't had any yet," which wasn't technically a lie. He had some tea with sake, not 'just' tea. He did want to try a legitimate cup of tea before the night was out.

"You should have some tea with me," she said and removed a clean cup from the heating tray.

"Oh no, I just wante-"

"Nonsense, sit down and relax; you've worked so hard." She plucked a string that couldn't sing 'no'.

Defeated, he nodded with a look of guilt, a look he was sure Hinata would pick up on. She didn't. '_Dammit,_' he thought. After drinking the whole thing he mobilized his plan, "Hinata, this night is turning out unusually well. I wanted to know if you had anything to say to the group. I know it can be hard for you to speak up sometimes."

"I got this," she smiled and laid a friendly pat upon her friend's shoulder, "B-but thank you, that's so sweet, really, thanks. You're awesome," she gave him a single arm hug and then stood up. "Excuse me, can I have your attention?" she said flawlessly, "I wanted to welcome to the first annual bathhouse-tea-a-thon. It just keeps coming!" and she continued, dramatically gesturing as she did so; drawing attention to the craftsmanship of the building and the hot spring out back.

While this was going on, Shikamaru held up various, easy to read, messages for the masses. They went in order as such:

_Pretend I'm not here.  
><em>_Please read these silently!  
><em>

_The tea is cut with sake, 1:1_

_You can keep drinking if you want._

Don't tell Hinata!  
>She'll panic!<p>

_Enjoy your evening._

The last card was dolled up with some pleasant looking symbols like smiles and a thumbs up, curiosity of Naruto and Temari. At the end, Hinata was none the wiser and the crowd cheered. Over the months of training with the Chūnin instructors, they had come to love Hinata. Each of them respected the request and kept Hinata in the dark just a little while longer.

Meanwhile, "I can't believe that worked," said Temari. Her potential other half entered the Kitchen again, holding his heart in his chest. "I can't get over that. Amazing."

He shrugged, "I'm a thinker."

"Praise? For yourself?" she held back laughter. "Feeling 'relaxed' are we?"

He blushed, "Cut it out, I'm still made of the same thing as everybody else. Alcohol affects me the same way it affects all of you."

"Shame it dosn't make you dummer."

"You jut-juts...just-haben't had e'nuff," said Naruto, muffled, from somewhere in the room.

"...wait a second. You aren't in the same spot!" Shikamaru truly wasn't dulled by a few sips. The place Naruto initially crawled in was suspiciously far from where the sound of his voice was coming from currently. He pulled back the curtain where the sake was at first store and saw Naruto with a straw hanging out of his mouth. The other end was going deep down into the bottom of the bottle. "I found him Sakura!" Shikamaru yelled.

Naruto leaned his head out, "Sell out!" he declared with a jilted tone.

The kitchen door opened with a crack and a bang, "I said your ass is helping!" she remarked and dragged him out of the steamy kitchen.

Shikamaru pilfered the bottle from Naruto's hand as he was pried from his hidey hole; he had been betrayed by his only friend in the whole wide kitchen. "We're only missing a neck of the bottle. He's not getting anymore for a while." He laid the rogue bottle next to the nearly empty one. He was sure Sakura would put him in a place he couldn't do any more damage, to the inventory or his liver.

"You did need one more bottle to finish off the mix. That's why I didn't stop him." Temari drank the last gulp of her drink and laid the porcelain cup on the stone counter top. It made an audible 'klink'.

He took note of the noise, it was one that could have been avoided, one Temari knew displayed poor manners. He interpreted this as a signal for attention: '_I want to let you know, I'm done my drink._' He looked over to the only girl that ever peaked his interest. "How many was that? Two."

She nodded, her head light from the delicious 'imported tea', "-plus the drink I had from the bottle; creepin' that number on up, to three." Her weight was shifted to one side and it made her hip stick out. She wore her casual kimono, rather than the formal one, it was loose and easy to sit down in comfortably. Even with the heavy piece of clothing, her curves were very distinguishable.

Temari had been beating around the bush with him for years now; it was time to find out the truth about how she really felt towards him. Shikamaru knew that within the animal kingdom this behavior was called a 'presentation'. Taking note of the gesture, he continued, "You can only process one drink per hour," he said, "That's two, too many." This 'party' slash 'tea ceremony' had been going on for an hour, and he was accuratly counting how much each person had.

"There you go again with that 'smart' thing," she stated. Before she could huff at him for not having a good time, she felt her personal space filled. Her eyes briefly locked with Shikamaru's, only to wander again, "W-what?" she said with a heavy red flush.

"You can do what you want to, it's not my business. Though, I'm _curious_ as to why you want to drink so much." He watched her reaction closely, it was excited and shocked. She didn't turn any limb away from him, this showed him his intrusion wasn't totally unwelcomed. Her arms did grip one another and she _did _break eye contact, a sign of anxiety, shyness. After a second of processing, he backed up, realizing that the location they were in wasn't suitable. "I guess you're right," he said abruptly.

When she was again granted room of her own, she looked shocked, again. But that wasn't an indicator, it was the tightened right cheek muscle, irritation. Again, her actions delivered more of a message than her words did. "What do you mean I'm Right? I didn't say anything."

"You got tense; I imagine because this is a public room, high traffic." He was right.

"...maybe...did you..." she swallowed what felt like gravel, which was actually the back of her throat. "...could we meet up later...I know there are a few private rooms," her face was glowing pink, "I mean they have a single bed-table! A single table, for a couple to drink-couple of people to drink tea." It seemed the sake tied knots in the tongue.

He snickered as he watched Temari head for the door, the Freudian slips were hilarious enough, "Sounds great. I'll brew some _real _tea for us; I think I saw sweet buns back there too," he said referencing the pantry out back.

She gave him a smile and pulled open the door leading down the hall, where Naruto had been exiled to. "You might not want to put too much effort into this, people may think it's a date." She slipped through the door with only enough room for her body. One final indicator she was interested, the door brushed her bust on the way by, drawing attention to it. Them.

He sighed, not too sure of what he had initiated. "I hope she doesn't drink any more," he spoke to himself, or so he thought.

"Who?" Naruto asked. A white bandana now adorn his forehead. His narrow slitted eyes peered at his friend with suspicion. "Wass'sat Tamari~?"

Not expecting him back so soon, he panicked, "Would you go away," he snapped at him.

"Cool it," Naruto held up a hand, "I'm here for the sake," he expected that asking nicely would work; to his surprise, it did.

"Take it and go," he said and tore the lable off and dumped some tea in the top, to at least give it a tea smell. "Go," he jammed the bottle in Naruto's hand, "Tell her we burned this batch, that makes it too strong."

"This is why we keep you around. Yer'the idea guy," with that line of praise, he took his spoils and headed back out to find a housecoat, he was beginning to feel the need to sport some flare.

Hailed by Naruto for such an act, he felt he had reached a new low. Shikamaru watched his one big mistake of the night walk away and realized, "If things go awry, I'm the harbinger of my own doom..." He had to dedicate himself to not only spending some time alone with Temari, but now to make sure Naruto didn't make the evening go up in flames. Be it literally or otherwise ('otherwise' being the more likely of the two [but the first scenario wasn't completely out of the question]). He glanced the mix Naruto concocted for him. It sat, cold, in his cup. Then he looked to the remaining sake in the non-pilfered bottle, it was nearly gone. He had given Naruto the full bottle, so he needed to crack a new one. He did so in disbelief; they would notice if he changed it now. With equal parts of each liquid, it was ready.

He brewed some actual tea, he boiled enough for two. He left the community tea pots on a hot plate and took the tea and buns for he and Temari. He took the time to hide the remaining bottles behind some pickles in the pantry, feeling it was kind of funny doing so. "Pickled." He concealed the bottles then grabbed the tray he prepared. He left to find the tiny tea room with Temari inside.

In the corner of the room, the mochi pestle wiggled. It teetered some more and the top popped off, revealing a pair of deep blue eyes, with the onset of a drunken red cheeks. "Heh heeeh-heeh, hhhak," he inhaled a dry piece of rice that wasn't cleaned off. He toppled out of the container, gasping for air while he chocked on the hardened grain lodged in his vocal cords. "I taste blood!" he rolled back and forth. After that ordeal, the sake went missing.

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><p>How was that?<p> 


	3. Chapter 3: You Need Help

Good on my reviewers, thanks guys, I'm glad you're likin' it. :)

The cast so far...

Naruto  
>Shikamaru<br>Sakura  
>Temari<br>Hinata  
>Ino<p>

and now...

_Kiba &  
><em>_Choji_

Anyone else you wanna see?

* * *

><p>Did you know that you can mix three shots of vodka into two cups of grapefruit pop without being able to detect the booze much? You didn't? Well neither did my friend! XD<p>

I gave her that mix and a half hour later she comes to me, yelling, finger pointing viciously at me, 'Starla! Why the hell am I so fucked?' I was honest and told her about her drink ratio. She said calmly, 'Okay...that makes sense,' and walked away, sipping that same drink.

I died laughing.

* * *

><p><strong><em>Chapter 3 : You Need Help<br>_**

Walking was hard. Talking was impossible. Vision was swaying. Then she hit the floor. "Damn," Ino said as she did her best to get places on her own. The bathroom being one of those places. It wasn't often she drank, and she was still getting used to the things that encompassed the act, like moderation. She recalled the last time a drink passed those fumbling lips, months ago, four of them made their way down over the whole evening. Trying to handle them all at once was a bad idea, it came down on her like a ton of bricks.

"You need my help?" Sakura asked as she took the limp noodle that Ino called her arm and slung it across her shoulders. She had been helping her the whole time, all the while being told she didn't need to be there.

Another protest, "Don't help...I-gaw-dit," she said as she walked carefully next to her sober buddy.

"Be quiet, you can't even coordinate your eyes." Sakura was referring to the single eye Ino was using to navigate.

She coughed, "What d'you know?"

"I know that you better not throw-up. You will be dropped," she said, keeping a safety release on the girl for just such an occasion. Unfortunately, she didn't, so now Sakura needed to help her do everything. Like helping her close the bathroom door. Locating the toilet. Not fall in said toilet. '_And we only stepped in the door, this is going to be hell_.' Only seconds in and Sakura already prevented the destruction of two walls and a door. "Can you get it from here?" she asked, holding the back of her friend's outfit. She let go and watched this friend steady herself on the wall then fall on the toilet.

"Shit..." she said. If only she didn't let go of the wall, maybe the world wouldn't have tripped her. She cracked her elbow on the rim, it didn't hurt though.

"Impossible. Maybe you should puke, you might sober up some," Sakura said as she stood her friend up next to the bathroom fixture.

"No!" she exclaimed, "I'm not chukin'...not pukin'...no..." The small opening in the floor was treacherous, she needed to size up the squat toilet. She began on the right side of the toilet. Lifting her left foot she laid it on the opposite side of the porcelain menace. Her left leg bent at the knee to begin crouch down, except it happened too quickly, and the other knee didn't bend at all. When inertia caught up with her, all the fluid in Ino's head sloshed forward, causing her to fall on her left knee and plunging her right knee into the bowl of the toilet.

It was lucky that her hands were quick, they were such good hands, they held her fast while she removed her limb from the fixture. When trying to steady her body, the right boot kicked the rim of the bowl and launched her forward so much that her hands couldn't compensate for the weight shift. It was a good thing no one besides Sakura was watching, because it was enough force to make her do a near perfect forward somersault. If only she remembered to keep her head up, she might not have rolled so easily. All this trouble just to use the bathroom.

With a roll of her eyes she asked again, "Need help now?" with one eyebrow raised.

"...yeah..." Ino said and allowed Sakura to help.

Some needed more help than others, like Shikamaru. He stood in front of the private room he had been beckoned to, tray in hand, quivering. As warm as the sake was making him feel, his feet were a winter wonderland, cold and unmoving.

"It's called liquid courage, right? Maybe you need more," said a familiar voice from behind.

"I think so," said another.

Shikamaru froze solid, possibly sobering up some from the shock. "How did you two get here?" he asked Choji and Kiba, respectively.

"You know, it's rude of you to party and not tell people. Especially since the class was full of girls." Kiba cracked his knuckles, "Time to do a little picking up...uh, what are you doing," he asked, "Stay out here, live it up."

For once the blush could be chalked up to the alcohol, "..."

"The girls are _that_ way," Choji said, pointing down the hall.

"..." he said nothing again and only sighed.

"I get it, you're too nervous," Kiba began and tucked an arm around Shikamaru's shoulders. "You know what you need?"

"Wing men," Choji followed up from the other side.

"I don't-" he tried to begin.

"Sure you do!" Kiba declared, effectively cutting him off, "Let's go find you a lady for the evening. You don't have to do anything with her, arm candy, get with it," and attempted to move the perturbed Shikamaru. He didn't budge. "What's the hold up? Girls...that way," he said, causing Choji to once again motion in the 'correct' direction with a supportive thumb.

"I have a girl...in here," he said with his tray full of cooling tea in hand. The other two guys looked at one another in shock for a moment and then turned back to their _lucky_ friend. A slow clap ensued. "I'll thank you to leave."

Kiba russled his own hair, "I can't believe this is happening, the bastard's getting laid before I am."

Shikamaru sighed, "That's not necessairly what I was planning on doing."

Kiba reached in his pocket and emerged with a bundle of connected, red, square, plastic packages. "Nonsense! Here," he removed three from the row and extended them to his friend.

His eyes grew wide with disbelief, "For someone who hasn't had relations like this...you sure are over prepared."

"There's a box in the back of the truck," Choji said, "We were only supposed to drop stuff off, but then we noticed you guys were in here having a grand old time. Why isn't there any music playing?"

Shikamaru pinched the bridge of his nose with a free hand, "Wait...so you mean to tell me: They put us in a secluded cabin, with alcohol...a class full of girls...and now they're supplying us with latex prophylactics? What else?"

Choji folded his arms, "Who knows, the rest is in the corridoor...now that you mention it, it was weird of them to ask us to drop it off at the door...and to not come in. Maybe it was a hook?" Choji said.

Kiba snapped a finger and pointed it at him, signaling he liked his 'point'. Tell them 'not' to go in so they 'want' to go in. "Shinobi mind games."

"I am in the hall...not in the room...why?" he said, heavily hinting at wanting to go and speak with Temari.

"Fine," Kiba said and planted the condoms in his friend's left front pocket. "You'll thank me later; so will she," he laughed and gave Shikamaru a shot in the shoulder as he walked on by.

"Later," Choji said, fist-bumping his best friend and continuing on behind Kiba. Leaving Shikamaru to his private tea room seemed to be the 'bro' thing to do. They made tracks to the kitchen.

"What's that," Kiba said, sampling the air with a long draw inward through his nose. "I smell...an improperly corked bottle...on a forty-two degree angle." Being on it's side made the wine closer to the cork, therefore more potent. His nose was sharp and he located all the bottles Naruto had hidden. "Five," he said to Choji. "You mind driving?" he asked.

With a shake of his head, he waved his friend on, "I can't stand the stuff. It's all yours," he said. "They were hidden by Naruto, right? Why not share?" Choji grabbed two of the bottles and brought them out to the chūnin trainers to deal with accordingly. "That should even it out," he rubbed his hands together. It was only a matter of time before the girls noticed the karaoke machine and began belting out their tipsy, tone-deaf tunes; it was going to be a sight.

Naruto entered the kitchen to dip into one of his spoils, but found his booty had been squandered. "What else can go wrong?" he said and threw his hands in the air. On the hunt for a bathroom he ran into Sakura, it ended badly.

"What's got you so down?" Choji asked, his other friend in the background pouring himself a cup of the finest.

"That," he presented the 'thief', "And Sakura was really pissy at me. All I did was drug everyone, no one got hurt. Now I can't help people to the bathroom." His words suggested he wasn't thinking that well.

"Did she say something to you?" Kiba asked.

He sat on the counter and held out his cup to be filled, it was. "Well, Hinata was wandering around looking for a bathroom. I told her there was an outhouse out back and offered to take her there." He took a drink. "Sakura was having none of that!" he shouted, "Nah! The bitch says '_I don't think so_,'!" He made her sound snarly. "Awesome kimono she put on, but that's not important! Hinata was cool with me! She even asked me to make her some tea. She said '_Thank you Naruto-san, but Sakura is going to take me. I'll be back, can you make me more tea?_'" he made her sound cute, "Then the bitch comes back with a '_It better be a pale drink! She needs her liquids._' Hate her."

"No you don't, you're drunk." Choji pointed out.

"Huh?" Naruto was confused for a second, then he realized it, "Oh, I think you're right."

It clicked with Choji, Naruto didn't understand why he wasn't allowed to take a drunk girl into the woods, "You really don't understand why you couldn't take her?"

"I know where the stuff's at, why not?" he said and sat back, shifting his wweight to one arm.

"Naruto..." Choji began, "Do you know what it means to 'take advantage of someone'?"

He thought, his head swirling with more than just ideas, "Toooo...use...someone?" he said slowly.

Choji nodded, "Right...but in this situation, do you know what Sakura meant _specifically_."

He seemed genuinely confused, "...I guess not. What'd I miss?"

"..." Choji had spoken with Shikamaru about Naruto's learning curve before; he knew this was going to be really tough. The guy was never shown how to socialize as a child, and was never shown the 'ins' and 'outs' of their social norms. The concept of 'inappropriate' was never something he could develop on his own, it needed to be taught. Shikamaru suggested that if something like this were to come up, he should just explain things to Naruto, because no one else took the time to. "You see, right now she's vulnerable."

"All the more reason for me to be the one to go with her," he narrowed his eyes.

He began slowly, "...because she's vulnerable, Sakura doesn't want anything to happen to her," Choji rotated his hand at the wrist, hoping it would cause Naruto's thoughts to flow more freely. "...sexually."

Naruto did some math in his head, a rare occurrence, "She thinks...I'll touch her in bad spots if I take her by myself." He saw Choji nod. "Ooooh...bitch!" He shot up from his spot, fists pumping as he made a dash for the door. Kiba apprehended him. "Why does she think I'd do something like that! I like Hinata!"

"Maybe that's why, you **do** like her. You're drunk, she probably thinks you may not be thinking clearly either. Don't get in such a bunch, let it go," he said and felt the struggling stop.

Naruto sat back down and lowered his vision, "I like Hinata and I did this to her, I wouldn't do that to her, I'm not like that," he said with melancholy.

"It's only alcohol, you haven't altered her personality. Well, maybe for now, but she'll be fine tomorrow..." He gave Naruto a pat on the shoulder, "Don't take it too personally, she'd have done the same to any drunk dude if he offered to help. Even me," he said, though he didn't drink.

"Thanks..." He still couldn't help but feel bummed but brightened up, "Sakura did calm down at the end and asked me to make enough tea for her and three...for her...for three...or for her and three...she's been stuck babysitting, so..." he said knowingly and tried counting on his fingers. Whenever there was a party like this, there was always someone who got to hold the 'chuck-bucket'. Sakura was that 'chuck-bucket' holder. This was their first official 'party' so it was nice to see the roles coming out so well defined.

"Don't worry about it, I'll get the tea for them. I doubt you could do it without burning yourself," Choji comforted him.

Naruto laughed and buried his face in his hand, "Now you're the babysitter. How'd you guys find my booze anyway?"

Kiba pointed to his nose, "You left your scent all over them. It was easy-peasy," he said while taking a drink from the bottom of his first cup.

He hung his head in shame, "I should have hidden them underwater." He kept slouching down until his fushia face was flush with the floor and his legs were still folded fully beneath him.

"Need help?" Kiba asked, thinking the position wasn't intentional or comfortable.

"I'll be fine," he said and attempted to get upright. He wiggled, then paused, "Uh...could you push me that way?" he looked in the direction that he felt would help. Kiba nudged him. He rolled into an upright position; backwards, but upright. "Thanks," he stood up.

Choji had only gone with Kiba on a whim, but now he was glad he did. Not only was he pumped to get to say 'hi' to his best bud, the evening had turned into a full blown 'make sure this place is standing in the morning'. "Take it easy on the drinks, no more until midnight!" For it was only ten and he was half sloshed and rambling like a fool.

Soon to be singing like one too. "Got ya! I think I saw a machine in the back. I'm on the hunt!" And he left.

"I'd have dressed more formally if I knew we'd be staying." Choji also wanted to shine in the eyes of Ino, who's current whereabouts were unknown. Getting a chance to possibly chat her up some was an immediate perk, for that reason alone he wanted to stay. He'd let the roof burn if not for her.

"Maybe that's why they sent the rubbers with us. They thought everyone would think '_oh, it's only a tea party_' and not bring any protection. Everyone gets bored. They fool around. Bam, babies. Bulletproof logic, folks." It was like he was on a talk show.

"...It can't be working on you that quick," Choji laughed. From the kitchen he saw Naruto lugging around a machine with large speakers. "This is going to end horribly. Where did he say Sakura was?"

"He didn't," Kiba informed him.

"No matter. I'll find them," he said and left out the opposite door that Naruto did. This second door led into the hallway that surrounded the whole bath house, so it was easy to navigate for staff. The guests would use the center hallways, while the workers would use the outside one. Choji walked down the hall quietly, listening for movement in the rooms. He heard a creak, and then some whispering. Choji approached the door and knocked lightly.

The door jerked open with an annoyed force, only to reveal an annoyed face, "What?" Sakura said, her face being the only thing that extended from the room. "Oh," she corrected her attitude, "Choji, when did you get here?"

"A few minutes ago. Kiba and I took the truck; they wanted us to drop off a few boxes." He was clean and sober, a pleasing sight to such a frazzled young lady, "Did you need help with anything," he said, topping his presence off with a courteous cherry, "I was going to make the tea instead of Naruto."

"Don't worry about that," she declared and stepped out of the room, "If you wouldn't mind, keep an eye on them. I need to murder a few graduates...in cold blood." Her tone was a little too cheery, considering the content.

"Uh-alright." Sakura walked on by. He glanced the two girls, one laying on her side, blond hair sprawled about. A bucket lay close by. The other teetered on the verge of sitting upright and falling asleep. "What did I miss?" he said and shut the door behind himself.

* * *

><p>Remember when I said I was going to write smut? Well, I'm still doing that. I just need to find a place to post it, cause it's not happening here on FF . net...like, at all! DX<p>

What do you think of it so far? Bitchin? Meh? Bla?

Huh? :D (I did the editing when I was tired, be gentle)


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